Last night I drove down to Joliet for a dinner to celebrate my nephew's graduation from JCA. After a full and frustrating week of classes, the last place you might expect to find me on a Friday evening would be on the road (more than an hour each way). But there I was, on the road - and I was not unhappy. I was not unhappy going. I was not unhappy being there. I was not unhappy coming back. It was a very good evening. I love these people.

I got home around 11, jumped upstairs, jumped into comfy clothes, and jumped online to check what needed checking. Thanks to a major caffeine overload, I ended up surfing and chatting into the wee hours. I hope my chatees did not find me too wired or weird. (I had tanked up on coffee to insure a wide awake journey home - and that's what I got. The seriously jumping world music program on NPR helped, too.)

I woke late this morning in sunlight with the cat staring at me intensely, maybe picturing me as breakfast - who knows the mind of a carnivore? After breakfast I hit the net again to check email - some of my lists have been misbehaving - and ended up fiddling away the morning. (As I type this I'm tempted to sign on again, but one of my brothers is using the line and using the line- in the exact same manner that I would like to, of course. Now, boys, learn to share. We only have two lines, so I try to leave one open for incoming calls.) But I also accomplished some schoolwork by reading and grading late response journals. Soon I will be diving into the sophomore Poetry Portfolios. Soon I will be composing final exams. Soon I will be planning the last week of classes.

A frustrating week? Yes. Large numbers of students seem willing to let small numbers of students sabotage meaningful activity in some classes. I have failed to gain the respect of a significant portion of some classes. If I had their respect, they would not be acting so shabbily - or so I think. So this final week promises to be a fairly dreary round of "Power, Power, Who's Got the Power?" - though I will do all I can to forestall it, to remain positive.

I wonder where I have have failed - how I have hurt - some students that they feel a need to strike out so bluntly or so subtly. Does it come down to The Grade? ("He won't give me what I want, so I won't give him what he wants.") Have I cut them off? Have I not listened, not heard? Have I treated them as anonymous, replaceable parts and failed to recognize their humanity? I don't think so...never intentionally.

I have been in this situation before. I always meet it with the surprise of a dull thud in the lower regions. Damn, not this again. I think for moments like these we invented the phrase "to gird one's loins". For moments like these we invented the expression "the end is in sight". I just wish we could reach that end on better terms.