i was a fool to think i could just wake up at 6:00 this morning, wander over to school, have a nice little mass, launch into the morning's work, bounce home for a light lunch, and rip into what's left of my stack of junior first drafts. i could have done it if i were a robot of sorts and didn't have to consider the body .... the aging body ("i'm old ... can't do the things i used to do" sings buddy guy on his latest - great rootsy Sweet Tea).

in truth, i was doing all right. our assigned task was to reassemble the school: remove and load all flats and stages back onto the trucks, move all desks file cabinets bookcases and whatever back to their rooms of origin. i had been told several weeks ago that this was an easy job, "the kids do everything."

right.

oh the kids did a lot. they were good. but they were fewer than we could have used. so to aid the process a bit i pitched in on the flats, then i picked up a desk and walked it down the hall and then i did it again and again. and then there was that heavy heavy teacher's desk. i tried to pace myself. sometimes i would stop in a room and just shove the desks around into some semblance of order. sometimes i would stop to chat with another willing shirker. but by 10:30 or so my body was telling my brain, old geezer-style, "you overdid it, bud." and my brain was calling back "you don't say" ... or something like that.

so. when there was no more left to move i came home, ate a spartan bowl of oatmeal, sat down, and fell asleep. woke up, tried to stretch out some aches, and knew that the worst is yet to come. headed for the kitchen and ate a somewhat larger meal of old turkeystuffedpepper and rice. and here i am now staring down the fading sun wondering when all this paperwork is going to happen. soon. i tell myself. tonight. as much as possible.

and then tomorrow. before and after the doctor's appointment.

tomorrow is my first annual physical in a whole big bunch of years and who knows what treats are in store for me. best not to think about it.

you know. three years ago i was in pretty good shape - maybe even the best shape ever... despite my advanced years. three years ago i was doing step aerobics twice a week and stationary biking ("spinning") twice a week. i was eating right. and i had some stamina. but then fate and a sickpuppy conspired to drive me from that eden. oh. well. you know that story. and i don't want your pity. but maybe if i had that health once i can have it again. here.

but the clock is ticking. what is it that spaulding gray said? something about how a man in his fifties must face a cascade of health crises... a physical free fall. it will kill him. or it won't. so. the clock is ticking. how's yours?

now i learn that jay's aunt claire has died. i knew her. she gave me a big old coat that i really loved, but it vanished too soon. aunt claire was 102.

Our own physical body possesses a wisdom which we who inhabit the body lack. We give it orders which make no sense.

Henry Miller