you go go go go go and then you go go some more and some more and somewhere along the line you stop for a minute or two.

that's how i feel but i know it's not really me. i'm a bum. i mean, i don't use my time with maximum efficiency. i stare out windows at every chance. i go hazy over whatever music might be playing. i stare too long at the stupid bloody television. i bother the cat until she bites me good. and then i bother her some more. and you need look no further than this post. i have nothing to say. and here i am saying it.

i suppose i could tell you about my trip to the doctor on monday for the first annual physical of the rest of my life, but people don't actually want to know. you certainly don't... because you are sensitive souls. you just want to know (and i know that you sincerely care) how i'm doing, how i'm feeling. i'm doing ok. i'm feeling fine enough.

since my last annual physical some five or six years ago i have turned 50. and now that 50 is a pleasant fading memory, my new doctor tells me that there are some singular features tacked on to the annual physical - special things that guys under 50 just don't get to do. he has sworn me to secrecy. and that's a good thing because now i don't have to tell you. if you are a woman, it doesn't matter. if you are a young man under 50, i wouldn't want to frighten you unnecessarily. so let's just let it pass. so to speak.

school was.... nice.... school was nice this week. i knew what i was doing in almost every class. i had a very clear idea of what needed to be done. my students did not always agree, but who ever pays attention to students anyway? the sophomores finished Huck Finn by submitting their (mostly) nifty projects. the juniors (and i) continued pretending to understand William Blake by reading and writing about Songs of Innocence and Experience. the seniors finished Invisible Man by.... uh.... finishing Invisible Man and beginning Heart of Darkness.

so.... i have nothing to say. and here i am saying it. i should pick up the phone and say it to mom who has been trying to talk to me this week, but i've always been plugged into this bloody stupid machine. who knows but she might be calling right now... and i just wouldn't know it.

so i will stop now, remove the phone jack from this, and stick it in that, pick up the phone and dial the special number that carries my voice to the ones i love.

The world is eaten up by boredom. . . . You can't see it all at once. It is like dust. You go about and never notice, you breathe it in, you eat and drink it. It is sifted so fine, it doesn't even grit on your teeth. But stand still for an instant and there it is, coating your face and hands. To shake off this drizzle of ashes you must be for ever on the go. And so people are always "on the go."

Georges Bernanos