given current ftp problems, i'm not sure when this will go up... but i am busy wasting this fine saturday morning before i launch into another round of paper processing... which reminds me to resolve against whining on this point... so i stipulate... i'm an english teacher... i get a lot of paper to process... sometimes this work is unpleasant... enough said...

i received some feedback on fyp the other day that has had me thinking... first i opened a note from the page which went like this

you're an awful writer and incredibly dull. stop blogging. stop blogging now and spare the public your sentimental, vacuous bullshit. [signed] a victim of your blog

at first this had me almost literally falling off my chair, laughing like a madman... and, of course, it stung a little... how dare this person call me sentimental and vacuous... though, i do have my moments... as for the b.s. ... i humbly concur...

still... this note taps into a long-term secret fear (not so secret anymore, bub) that some day i'll be found out... in any area of my life... the charlatan uncovered... phoney poet... phoney teacher... phoney carmelite... phoney phoney phoney... the recurring dream of inadequacy... criminally unprepared... incompetent... illegitimate... you get the picture...

a few seconds later i opened the next email... from a past student and friend... saying some pretty positive things about my stuff at fyp... i guess the world will always specialize in mixed messages...and that's fine with me... as long as every YOU SUCK leads to an eventual NICE JOB...

then i got to thinking... something about that anonymous message felt familiar... i've heard this same language elsewhere... (though a google turned up nothing)... have i been generically blasted? was this a form-dis? now i'm guessing it was... though i'd hope the sender's motivation was pure... a gut reaction to what he/she had found at my blog... i wish he/she had stuck around a little longer to point out some specific piece that was particularly offensive... i'm willing to learn... you see...

i've been having a great time with oedipus and odysseus... in aplit and world... the class discussions have been provocative and the message board is packed with insightful, wondering posts (though ap has an edge on world... who seem to be dragging their sneakers in the dust)... next up for ap: invisible man... for world: oedipus

passing... what the pokey digital lens finds when it looks out on the corridor between periods... some obvious photoshop tampering, too... to protect the unsuspecting innocent... taken on a non-code dress day... yesterday... a "pep" assembly day... first football game... we won 35-10... as we should have... since the tribune ranked us #1 in the state... i don't know much about these things... unlike some of our carmelite neighbors, carmel isn't known as a big jock school... cuz it ain't... and that's fine with me... but lately we've been doing ok... thanks to the hard work of the teams and coaches...

out of nowhere... other things... a blurt... a tiny step without context... salman rushdie writes,

Throughout human history, the apostles of purity, those who have claimed to possess a total explanation, have wrought havoc among mere mixed-up human beings.

this sums up my concern with some trends in contemporary catholicism... the church lately seems hijacked by intemperate purists in cahoots with bland, faceless company men (and they are... only men... aren't they)... a dangerous mix... where is the practice of the genuine and profound compassionate humility of christ?

could it be that it has not been hijacked... but this blunt authoritarianism and legalism is actually its natural condition? vatican ii... a passing dream? i refuse to believe it... if the spirit has momentarily abandoned the hierarchy it may still be found in the lives of the people... i'm content to stand with the "mere mixed-up human beings"

yeah... if you haven't figured it by now... i guess i'm one of those damn liberals... or worse... i hear that the new book by peter steinfels contributes well to the discussion... but where's the time to read...

i just realized that right now dom's got the guys in to strip and wax the dining room and kitchen floors... the floors need it... but we're effectively cut off from food until they're done... can't even drive out anywhere cuz garage access is also prevented... i'm hungry... but i'll pretend the hunger is eating away at that extra ten pounds i need to lose... i think i'm thin... i think i'm thin... though i know we'll go out tonight and i'll be a pig... o well...

speaking of which... my pal erin had a fine mention and a photo this past week in the tech section of the nytimes... for her weight-loss blog called lose the buddha... and then... she says good morning america called her up... and had her on for an interview (i missed it) ... see her tale at ltb... interesting to see the traditional media starting to catch on that there's something else happening out here... kudos to erin...

now... if you've come this far through the mess, here's a reward... i currently find myself (thanks to my own vacuous pre-senility) in possession of two copies of billy wilder's great sunset boulevard... on dvd... if you send me your name and address via the form below, i will gladly toss the extra one off to you in the u. s. mail... i'll do the postage... earliest bird gets the worm... yeah... i could just return it to amazon... but i don't feel like it... yeah... i could donate it to the school library... but it would just collect dust... i'd rather share the wealth... just because... in fact, i think i'll have some more giveaways up and coming... stay tuned... everybody likes a freebie...

One could laugh at the world better if it didn't mix tender kindliness with its brutality.

D. H. Lawrence

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