if a word sneaks out to the ears of the powerful... if a word reaches their ears or their eyes... if the powerful don't like it... don't like it one bit... they will squash it... they will make it stop speaking... because they can... because they don't like it... and because they can

and i know this... and this has kept me fearful... and quiet here... and elsewhere... because i'm a naturally timid person... who doesn't have a practiced voice for speaking on public matters... political matters... church matters... i'm not practiced in saying things about... and i'm not practiced in thinking things about... and i can't stand the judgment that always comes

the powerful are... the obvious villains... bosses in big cars... but they are... also... anyone... who with a look or a sound... or the threat of those... can shut me up... with disapproval... how did that come... to matter so much

i wonder if my obscure illegible pomes are not actually... the logically irrational spawn of... shutting up... a perverse refusal to shut down... i think that is probably true... or a part of some truth... but yes the pomes are more than that... too... and smart enough

this is not my manifesto... i won't be saying... right now... because it's too... but i was wondering why it has been so difficult to write here... not that my heart... as they say... hasn't been in it... i like writing here... and having things to say... but i was wondering why there is so much i will not let myself say... and the not letting gets in the way of much... there is some... i will not say... but

i've always known the answer... here... probably like you... i give myself very good advice... and ignore it... even right now... because of the many scarey monsters (cue bowie)

and i know the cost... to hold on... to let go

and not saying can have its own proper necessity

Risk! Risk anything! Care no more for the opinion of others, for those voices. Do the hardest thing on earth for you. Act for yourself. Face the truth.

Katherine Mansfield

talk to me

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