This
Journal

November
1999

A whole week has passed, but I never turned the calendar. We've had a week of near-perfect weather, but I haven't been outside since...when? Well, if you don't count this morning's trip to the dumpster with cat poop, it might have been last Monday evening, very briefly: house to car to restaurant to car to house. No, that doesn't count either. One week ago I went out to that movie. But that hardly qualifies as "being outside". I literally cannot remember the last time I was outside under the open sky for any measurable length of time.

I knew this was going to happen. I could have written the script. In fact, I have. I sat down to write this just now and realized I had no energy to write with. No joy. Even though I'm reading some really great books and thinking big thoughts. Even though I'm totally in love with this teaching gig. I find myself down in the dumps today, even though I've just come up from watching two pretty funny John Waters movies that made me giggle a bit. But I know the problem; I got the picture. I don't need no psychotherapy, don't need no lobotomy, no shock treatment. (No, I don't need The Ramones.) I need exercise, lots or a little, but everyday, outside, in sunshine, in darkness, cold, whatever. I need a regular routine. I need to get up at 5 a.m. and run like a madman for at least half an hour. Then breakfast. Then office and mass. Then school. And then after school, after some little tiny nap maybe, run again. Just go. That is a good plan.

During the summer I was clinging to the illusion that I could move up here to Mundelein, leave Joliet and all my carefully crafted routines, and nothing would be that different. Then school began, the season changed, a different reality settled in. I knew all along that nothing would take the place of the aerobics and spinning classes at JJC. I needed them. I don't have them any more. So it's up to me.

You know, I do need The Ramones. I Don't Care. Why Is It Always This Way? I Don't Wanna Go Down To The Basement. I Don't Want To Live This Life (Anymore). I Just Want To Have Something To Do. Now I Wanna Be A Good Boy. Listen To My Heart. I Wanna Be Well. Do You Wanna Dance?

They get me up and jumping. That's a step in the right direction. I'm an air guitar wizard. Bet you wish you could see me now. Yeah that's me jumping around in yr head. I Wanted Everything. And I got it.

It is a sign of a dull nature to occupy oneself deeply in matters that concern the body; for instance, to be over much occupied about exercise, about eating and drinking, about easing oneself, about sexual intercourse.
Epictetus